Fun 201: How To Have A Pet

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Phenomenal Artists

If you can afford it and have time for it, a pet is always worth it

  • Pets have been proven to make people healthier and live longer
  • Having a pet is a responsibility, but the devotion of a pet is worth its costs
  • There is a natural connection that people make with animals that helps their general happiness overall
    • Playing with puppies and kittens relieves stress and helps students perform better on tests
  • If you want to practice for having children, a pet is a great place to start, especially a dog

Look for a pet based on your desires

  • It’s worth researching the animal’s needs before getting it
    • Some animals are very social and need a lot of attention, while others are content to be away from everyone
    • Look into what kinds of food they can and can’t eat
    • Pay attention to specific needs regarding the climate, humidity or any other living conditions
  • If it’s near the holiday season, try adopting an abandoned pet in January instead of getting a new one
  • If possible, avoid a purebred dog
    • Many dog breeds are made for the sake of eugenics, and it’s a relatively new practice
    • Full-breed dogs are actually genetically stunted, and will live shorter lives with many more ailments
    • Mutts are better because they have better personalities, a higher lifespan and a happier life

Make your own pet shelter to avoid having to spend on one

  1. Place styrofoam insulation inside of a plastic container
  2. Put a second plastic container inside
  3. Pad that container with straw
  4. Make a hole through to the inside

Try to find reasons for their odd instincts to know how to respond

  • Dogs
    • They are wolves bred to be in a constant state of adolescence
    • They circle several times before lying down to brush away any debris in their area
    • They eat their own poop to cover their trail when in a pack
    • Since they’re pack animals, they will get anxiety if they’re not around you
      • In many ways, dogs should be seen more like codependent gang members than children
      • Pretend you’re hurt instead of chasing them when they get loose for them to come back
    • They need constant exercise, which can agitate them if they don’t get enough
  • Cats
    • They don’t need people, they simply stick around because we keep feeding them
    • They close their eyes to indicate comfort
    • Their hair stands on end to seem larger to a potential predator
    • They give you gifts of small animal corpses because they believe you can’t catch your own prey
    • They will hang out on a keyboard because it’s a warm surface, but they prefer a closed surface such as a big bowl or shoebox

There are many small tricks to working with animals

  • All Pets
    • Run a dryer sheet over the animal’s fur during a thunderstorm, since the static buildup is what is setting them on edge
    • Feeding a small animal when you wake up will mean they won’t have a reason to wake you up when they get older
    • To get rid of pet hair on carpets and furniture, run a hard flat surface like a squeegee across it
    • Make a disposable scoop by cutting a plastic milk carton handle off at an angle
    • To eliminate pet odors or just freshen up the air, sprinkle baking soda on your carpet where the pet lies and vacuum up after 1 hour
    • Make a small pet bed by running a pool noodle through the arms of an old sweater, then taping into a donut
    • If your pet has an encounter with a skunk
      • Rub their fur with a half water and half vinegar solution, rinse with warm water and repeat as needed
      • If you don’t have vinegar, give them a bath in tomato juice
  • Working with most social animals (dogs, rats, etc.) is a matter of simplified child psychology
    • Put down clear boundaries and enforce them
    • Reward good behavior and punish bad behavior
      • The primary key is consistency with rewards and punishments
  • Training cats is practically impossible, but there are workarounds
    • Cats stay off windowsills and other surfaces and don’t scratch surfaces that are sprayed with vinegar
    • Stick the end of toilet paper inside a toilet roll to keep a cat from unrolling it
    • Draw a shape in a cat litter box to find out if it’s been used
      • Get rid of cat litter odors by sprinkling a large layer of baking soda at the bottom of the the litter box
  • Dogs don’t scratch their ears if their ears have been cleaned with a soft cloth dipped in diluted vinegar
  • Dogs need to be maintained on a hot day
    • Fill up a children’s pool with ice
    • Freeze water mixed with chicken stock with toys, carrots and treats
    • Feed them ice cubes or ice chips when walking them
  • Finding a lost dog isn’t that hard
    1. Take an article of clothing that has been worn at least all day and bring it to the location the dog was last seen and leave it there
    2. Also leave a desirable crate and toy if the dog has one
    3. Leave a note requesting the items not be moved
    4. Leave water and come back the next day or intermittently
  • There are other fun things to do with pets
    • Use a laser pointer to get a cat to shut off a light switch
    • If you hold a chicken still and draw a straight line while the chicken stares at it, it will be hypnotized for 30 minutes
  • Some pets are biologically wired to hate each other
    • There is an instinctual eat/run behavior between predator animals like cats and prey animals like mice and birds
    • Territorial animals like dogs will have a hard time with other dogs or people that they feel are taking over their territory
  • Someday you will have to put the pet down
    • It’s usually more economical and simple to kill the animal yourself, but most people don’t have the emotional strength to do it
    • Put loved animals to sleep by a vet who does a house call so the animal won’t spend its last hour in a place it hates
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