A Guide To Who Reads American Newspapers

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The Wall Street Journal – people who run the country.

The Washington Post – people who think they run the country.

The New York Times – people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

USA Today – people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. However, they do like their statistics shown in pie charts.

The Los Angeles Times – people who wouldn’t mind running the country – if they could find the time – and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.

The Boston Globe – people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

Time – people who don’t like who’s running the country but aren’t sure who should run the country.

The New York Daily News – people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

The New York Post – people who don’t care who’s running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

The Miami Herald – people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

The San Francisco Chronicle – people who aren’t sure there is a country – or that anyone is running it – but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country, provided they are, of course, not Republicans.

Weekly World News – People who think that the country isn’t being run by who we think is running the country and that there is a conspiracy to run the world by the people who REALLY run the country.

The National Enquirer – people trapped in line at the grocery store.

LIFE – People who like pretty pictures.