Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

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The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. St. Peter himself meets him at the Pearly Gates. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches him.

Saint Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It shore is good to be here, St. Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Sure hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forest. But the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God’s first name?”

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam questions. St. Peter waves him up and asks, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”

Forrest says, “Well, the first one, how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one’s easy; that’d be Today and Tomorrow!”

The saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest! That’s not what I was thinking, but…you do have a point though, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I give you credit for that answer.”

“How about the next one” says St. Peter, “how many seconds in a year?”

“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest. “But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Astounded, St. Peter says, “Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forrest says, “Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second…”

“Hold it,” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but I’ll give you credit for that one too.”

“Let’s go on with the next and final question,” says St. Peter, “Can you tell me God’s first name?”

Forrest says, “Well shore, I know God’s first name. Everybody probably knows it. It’s Howard.”

“Howard?” asks St. Peter. “What makes you think it’s ‘Howard’?”

Forrest answers, “It’s in the prayer.”

“The prayer?” asks St. Peter, “Which prayer?”

“The Lord’s Prayer,” responds Forrest: “Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name…”

ALTERNATE VERSION:

“That was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learned it from the song! ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own…'”