Good Questions To Ponder

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  • Could it be that all of those trick–or–treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?
  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • How many roads must a man drive down before he admits he is lost?
  • If rabbit’s feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
  • If we learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
  • Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
  • Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
  • Can an Atheist get insurance against “acts of God”?
  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • Can you cry underwater?
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
  • Have you ever noticed that the Roman Numerals for forty are “XL”?
  • Have you ever noticed that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Have you ever noticed that when you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs”?
  • How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
  • How do they get the deer to cross at the yellow signs?
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he considered homeless or naked?
  • If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If someone ate pasta and antipasto, would they still be hungry?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it a hostage situation?
  • If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
  • If you are cross–eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  • If you spin an Oriental person around three times, do they become disoriented?
  • If you try to fail and you succeed, what have you done?
  • Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
  • Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
  • Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
  • What disease did cured ham actually have?
  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal eat an endangered plant?
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • What would happen if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • What’s the speed of dark?
  • Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
  • Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
  • Why are boxing rings square?
  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
  • Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
  • Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
  • Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
  • Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
  • Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  • Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • Why do they put braille on drive–through bank machines?
  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
  • Why do we drink cow milk? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, “I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ’em”?
  • Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
  • Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
  • Why do we press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
  • Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
  • Why do we say something is out of whack? What is whack?
  • Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
  • Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to? Taxes?
  • Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
  • Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
  • Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
  • Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
  • Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
  • Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
  • Why is “phonetic” not spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
  • Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  • Why isn’t there mouse–flavored cat food?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?