How Star Wars Would Be Different If It Were Anime

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  • Luke would do a lot more screaming.
  • All the important events, like Ben’s death, would be repeated three times.
  • Vader would be at least eight feet tall.
  • X-wings and Y-wings would transform, and then combine to form a more powerful craft.
  • The Death Star’s super laser would have an even flashier charge-up sequence.
  • The Emperor would be even taller than Vader.
  • The Ewoks would be even cuter.  (Eeeeeee…)
  • Lando and the Falcon would be destroyed, probably accompanied by a flashback with lots of cherry blossoms.
  • Han Solo would wear an eye patch and cape.
  • The Millennium Falcon would have a poop deck and would sport a large skull and crossbones.
  • Luke would have black hair, and be a lot more negative.
  • The Emperor would have tall spiky hair and little bits of things would float upward in slow motion when he zaps Luke.
  • Light saber scenes wouldn’t be 9 per 6-hour trilogy, but per half-hour episode.
  • The AT-AT would have large claws.
  • Vader would still be Luke’s father, but we would have known about it waaaaay before Luke did.
  • Luke’s uncle and aunt would really be alive!
  • The sand crawler would have flown.
  • We’d see the Sarlacc’s full body.
  • The music and soundtrack would be much worse and less orchestrated, but have singable lyrics.
  • Greedo wouldn’t have been the only one with blue hair.
  • Vader wouldn’t have to squeeze air to kill a guy with the force. He would just touch him and tell him “You are already dead,” followed by gratuitously vile explosions.
  • Luke’s aunt and uncle would run a dojo instead of a farm.
  • People would actually drink beer in the cantina.
  • Obi Wan Kenobi wouldn’t disappear when Vader cuts him down; he’d get sliced in half. It would take him several seconds to figure it out.
  • There would be a LOT more walkers.
  • X-wings would have cool heads-up displays.
  • Speeder bikes would be replaced by monster-sized racing cycles with lasers.
  • Boba Fett would have a bigger part.
  • Luke wouldn’t agonize over Vader being his dad until AFTER he killed him.
  • The American voice actors would be crap, and the subtitled version would be more expensive.
  • Series titles would be Star Wars, Star Wars Zeta, and Forever Star Wars Double Zeta. People would argue interminably about the time line conflicts.