How To Tell If You’re Over The Hill

Back To Main
Back To Humor
  • You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
  • At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • You wake up looking like your driver’s license photo.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you’re on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off the curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
  • Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
  • The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
  • It takes twice as long to look half as good.
  • Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
  • You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
  • Your favorite movies have been colorized.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.
  • You have more patience, but it is really because you just don’t care anymore.
  • You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
  • You dance to elevator music.
  • Everything on you either dries up or leaks.
  • You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.