Insults From Famous People

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  • A man of great common sense and good taste – meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage. – George Bernard Shaw
  • A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. – Mark Twain
  • An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him. – Oscar Wilde
  • Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one. – Winston Churchill, in response
    • I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one. – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
  • He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. – Abraham Lincoln
  • He had delusions of adequacy. – Walter Kerr
  • He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. – Winston Churchill
  • He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
    • Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
  • He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. – Oscar Wilde
  • He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. – Robert Redford
  • He has Van Gogh’s ear for music. – Billy Wilder
  • He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them. – James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
  • He’s a guy who gets up at 6 o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is. – Lou Duva
  • He is a self-made man and worships his creator. – John Bright
  • He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. – Samuel Johnson
  • He is now rising from affluence to poverty. – Mark Twain
  • He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. – Paul Keating
  • He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. – George Bernard Shaw
  • He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. – Forrest Tucker
  • He must be very ignorant, for he answers every question he is asked. – Voltaire
  • He must have a truly romantic nature, for he weeps when there is nothing at all to weep about. – Oscar Wilde
  • He would make a lovely corpse. – Charles Dickens
  • He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp–posts… for support rather than illumination. – Andrew Lang
  • Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. – Fred Allen
  • His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. – Woody Allen
  • His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. – Mae West
  • How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a single word you say. – Oscar Wilde
  • I can’t believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest. – Steven Pearl
  • I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. – Mark Twain
  • I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain
  • I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. What else do we have in common? – Ashleigh Brilliant
  • I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx
  • I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial. – Irvin S. Cobb
  • I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. – Oscar Wilde
  • I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. – Groucho Marx
  • In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. – Count Talleyrand Charles
  • It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others. – Ashleigh Brilliant
  • It’s human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others. – Ashleigh Brilliant
  • Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about. – Winston Churchill
  • She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction. – Bob Hope
  • She is a peacock in everything but beauty. – Oscar Wilde
  • She’s the sort of woman who lives for others; you can tell by the others by their hunted expression. – C.S. Lewis
  • Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant
  • Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it. – Moses Hadas
  • The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand. – Fred Allen
  • The woman speaks eight languages, and can’t say “no” in any of them. – Dorothy Parker
  • There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure. – Jack E. Leonard
  • William Gladstone has not a single redeeming defect. – Benjamin Disraeli