Lightbulb Jokes

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How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They’re not allowed to under Health & Safety legislation. Process notes should have been written referring the incident to Facilities.

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually they are afraid to do it…they think that if they remove the top layer bulb, that they will disturb the (presumed) earlier bulbs that are screwed in beneath the one that is currently showing.

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, actually, it only takes a couple to remove the old bulb, but then they get so involved in studying the old bulb (especially in trying to correlate its appearance with all other burned-out bulbs within a 1000 km radius), that they never get around to putting the new bulb in.

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one to aim the x-ray machine, but the bulb changes very, very slowly.

How many Natural Selectionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Well actually, we won’t even TRY to change the bulb. We will simply stop using the room that has the burned out bulb, and start using only rooms with FUNCTIONING bulbs. That way, over time…

How many particles does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, if we know the position of the burned-out light bulb, then we cannot answer this question with certainty.

How many particles (okay, fine. How many ‘amplitudes’) does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, if it is supervised very carefully by a macro-entity.

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on how you define ‘change’.

How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
None-it’s a pseudo-problem…light bulbs give off light (hence the name)…if the bulb was broken and wasn’t giving off light, it wouldn’t be a ‘light bulb’ now would it? (oh, where has rigor gone?!)

How many Classic Foundationalists (epistemology) does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on whether the bulb is incorrigible or not…

How many Epicureans does it take to change a light bulb?
None – they’re too busy taking advantage of the darkness!

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – one to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – One to change the light bulb and one to observe how the light bulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
None – The bulb is just at one dialectical pole between ‘bright’ and ‘dark’. It will eventually synthesize these into at least some dim glow for us…

How many Heraclitians does it take to change a light bulb?
None — It’s never the same light bulb again anyway

How many Humeans does it take to change a light bulb?
None – Since the bulb actually contains a gaseous substance, and thus contains no ‘abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number’ nor any ‘experimental reasoning concerning matters of fact and existence’ it will simply be removed and thrown in the fire…

How many Kantians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two to change the phenomenal bulb, and one to explain that we might not have actually changed the bulb-an-sich at all.

How many language philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – We can’t see the referent through the opacity of the phrase ‘light bulb’.

How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
None – The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many Nietzschians does it take to change a light bulb?
.00001

How many phenomenologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only a couple, but by the time they get through with it, the 100-watt bulb has been reduced to a night light.

How many Reformed epistemologists does it take to change a light bulb?
1.37 – and that needs no explanation because it is a properly basic belief.

How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, they won’t do it. They have no sense of urgency about the situation because they aren’t sure they’re really in the dark…

How many speech act theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you really want to know or are you simply asking me to change it?
How many Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb?
One to call the electrician and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten – Four to form a committee, one to take minutes, three to rally volunteers, two staff members to actually do it, and one to bring the potato salad.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least fifteen – One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one – Hands are already in the air.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six – One to change the bulb and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
Change?!?!?!?!?!

How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five – One man to change the bulb and 4 wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Six – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten – One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None – God has predestined when the lights will go on and off.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None – They use candles.

How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb. Present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What’s a light bulb?

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?