The Pillsbury Doughboy’s Death

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeatedly being poked in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Sara Lee, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered the smartest cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy was survived by his wife Play Dough and two children John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had a bun in the oven. He was also survived by his father Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.