Writing Tips

Back To Main
Back To Humor
  1. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  2. Avoid cliches like the plague because they’re old hat.
  3. Employ the vernacular.
  4. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  5. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  6. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  7. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
  8. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  9. Don’t be redundant; don’t use words more than necessary; it’s highly superfluous to say something more than once.
  10. Profanity blows.
  11. Be more or less specific.
  12. One should never generalize.
  13. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  14. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  15. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  16. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  17. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  18. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  19. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
  20. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  21. No sentence fragments.
  22. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used unless you don’t want to seem too formal.
  23. Do not use more words, phrases, sentences, or other linguistic elements than you, yourself, actually really and definitely need to use or employ when expressing yourself or otherwise giving voice to what you may or may not be thinking when you are trying to say how many words you should use or not use when using words.
  24. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  25. Don’t use no double negatives.
  26. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, i.e. etc.
  27. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  28. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  29. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  30. Kill excessive exclamation points!!!
  31. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others elude to them.
  32. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
  33. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  34. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  35. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  36. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  37. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
  38. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  39. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.