Success 101: What Success Actually Is

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Health 106: Weight Management

Success is vaguely defined, even with a booming how-to industry around it

Our lives are limited to approximately 78 years

Average life routines make our time even shorter

  • 28.3 years sleeping, assuming 8 hours a night
  • 10.5 years working a job, assuming full-time work
  • 9 years are consuming entertainment
  • 6 years are doing chores
  • 4 years are eating and drinking
  • 3.5 years are in institutionalized learning
  • 2.5 years are grooming and personal hygiene
  • 2.5 years are shopping
  • 1.5 years are raising children
  • 1.3 years are commuting
  • 9 years left over are “free time”

Success (or being seen as successful) comes mostly during those nine collective “free time” years

People often label others a success, but the characteristics they choose to define it are extremely relative

Success might base itself on others’ interpretation of what you’ve done

In fact, success could merely be how you feel about your own accomplishments

Most discussions about success often focus on only one type of success

Depending on the depth of the writer or speaker, they may express the correct universal perspectives for success

What matters most in life varies wildly by what region of the world you’re in

  • America and Europe value health and satisfaction with life
  • Latin America values education
  • A few countries like Saudi Arabia, Nepal, Ukraine and some African countries see money as a measurement of success
  • Developing countries tend to see success in safety and housing
  • A handful of countries like Australia value work-life balance
  • Bhutan and Zimbabwe see success as involvement in the community

Irrespective of its relativity, several profound definitions of success that may be more accurate

  • Earl Nightingale calls success “a progressive realization of a worthy ideal”
  • Tony Robbins defines success as “having a ton of pleasure and very little pain”
  • Zig Ziglar calls success “the maximum utilization of the ability that you have”
  • John Wooden says success is “peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you’re capable”

Many people would say that a person was successful if they had the following (all previously on this guide)

Some popular ways to measure success are horrifically dangerous

How many friends you have

  • No human being is logistically capable of having more than 300 relationships in any given year
  • Crowds of friends are expensive and time-consuming
  • One-on-one connection with someone is the true measurement of any relationship

How much money you have

  • Money is just a measurement of power, not of competence or personal value
  • Some of the most innovative people in the world make very little money
  • On the other hand, there isn’t anything inherently unethical with making tons of money

How popular you are, how much people notice you or your overall reputation

  • Fame and reputation is fickle
  • A popular person often suffers a complete lack of privacy
  • Without values behind a reputation, you can’t recover from any public tarnishing of that reputation

How much you know or how intelligent you are

  • Science shows that intelligence leads to conceit that shows itself through stupid mistakes
  • To be knowledgeable isn’t as important as having wisdom or skillfulness

How “balanced” you are

  • Attaining balance is exceedingly difficult because it’s completely relative
  • Cultural values vary too wildly to make balance an accurate measurement
  • Often, past life challenges make balance impossible or make true “balance” different than what we may perceive to be balance

Success is relative, but some measurements can universally define it

Emotionally well

How happy you are more than anything else

Able to handle stress and stay calm in the middle of a crisis

How long it takes to fall asleep

  • This doesn’t mean a consistent sleep schedule as much as sleeping well

Changing

The difference between how you are today and how you were years ago

The number of things you’re doing to personally improve yourself

Willingness and motivation to take advantage of opportunities as they come along

Unchanging on a few things

Avoids conforming to everyone else’s standards

Changes behaviors, but not values

  • Even compromising a few values can eventually sabotage all of them

Knowledgeable

Holds insight about the world

  • Ability to apply a principle to concrete day-to-day actions

Strong self-awareness and acceptance of immutable truths

Acquired mastery of a craft

Strong personal and business relationships

The amount of impact you make in others’ lives

The quantity and quality of people that you have trust-based relationships with

The number of people who will want to attend your funeral

The lack of inane “politics” you engage in

Virtuous according to Strengths and Virtues set by Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman

Wisdom and Knowledge – strengths involving acquiring and using knowledge

  • Creativity (e.g., Albert Einstein) – ability to look at things
  • Curiosity (e.g., John C. Lilly) – desire to look beyond the conventional
  • Open-mindedness (e.g., William James) – able to see things from a different angle
  • Love of learning (e.g., Benjamin Franklin) – always interested in discovering new truths
  • Perspective and wisdom (e.g., Ann Landers) – applying knowledge and experience into day-to-day life
    • There is very little correlation between wisdom and age

Courage – strengths allowing one to accomplish goals in the face of opposition

  • Bravery (e.g., Ernest Shackleton) – standing up against direct opposition
  • Persistence (e.g., John D. Rockefeller) – continuing on without outside support
  • Integrity (e.g., Sojourner Truth) – uncompromising on values
  • Vitality (e.g., Dalai Lama) – excitement and energy in approaching life

Humanity – strengths of tending and befriending others

  • Love (e.g., Romeo and Juliet) – connecting intimately with others
  • Kindness (e.g., Cicely Saunders) – tendency to do favors and good deeds
  • Social intelligence (e.g., Oprah Winfrey) – awareness of motives and feelings in self and others

Justice – strengths that build healthy community

  • Teamwork (e.g., Sam Nzima) – works well with others
  • Fairness (e.g., Mohandas Gandhi) – treats others with justice
  • Leadership – encouraging peers and subordinates to accomplish what needs to get done

Temperance – strengths that protect against excess

  • Forgiveness (e.g., Pope John Paul II) – ability to reconcile and release
  • Humility & Modesty (e.g., Bill W., co-founder of AA) – lets accomplishments speak for themselves
  • Prudence (e.g., Fred Soper) – careful about making choices
  • Self-Regulation (e.g., Jerry Rice) – restraint from excess

Transcendence – strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide meaning

  • Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence (Walt Whitman) – noticing and appreciating beauty
  • Gratitude (G.K. Chesterton) – awareness and gratitude for good things
  • Hope (Martin Luther King, Jr.) – expecting the best and working towards it
  • Humor (Mark Twain) – seeing a lighter side to things
  • Spirituality (Albert Schweitzer) – having a higher purpose and calling in the universe

Successful people have a very specific perspective on life

Intentional

Makes every decision with definite boldness

Develops clarity from premeditation and thinking things through

  • Clear about expectations from self and others
  • Looks at the long-term effects of every action they take

Intentionality and focus often create push-back from others who misunderstand it as obsession

Steadily improving

Always looks to become better at everything

Constantly learning about anything and everything that interests them

  • Always curious and likes to ask questions about everything

Rarely feels stagnant or incapable of handling problems

  • Sees life as a constant series of transformations, both in self and in others

Realistic

Strives for excellence, not perfection

Expects life to be unfair and plans ahead for it

Focuses on results more than perfection

  • Estimates necessary resources before making an emotional commitment to something
  • Aims for adding value, not a hypothetical goal in ideal circumstances

Focuses more on who they want to be than what they don’t like in themselves

Resilient

Comes back to every problem with determination and energy

  • Consistently finds inward motivation
  • Remembers successes far more than failures

Understands that they are the authors of their own wellness

Keeps sight of the goal, no matter how bleak things get

Desires self-sufficiency and freedom over sacrificing freedoms to get needs met

Flexible

Permits naturally occurring uncertainties and failures

Willing and open, often eager, to improvise and make quick decisions

Open and ready to change tactics from plans

Constantly adapting approach from failures

Resourceful

More about using resources to a greater end than in knowing how to manage them

  • Resources – limited and measurable things we have (time, money, technology, experience, connections, etc.)
  • Resourcefulness – limited only to vision and constantly in a state of change (creativity, determination, love, passion, etc.)

Aspirational

Pushes for Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals (BHAGs)

Always strives for some sort of vision

  • Action without a vision is productivity, but isn’t success
  • A vision constantly changes and adapts to match reality
  • Successful people enjoy adapting the vision to the circumstances
  • Feels attached to a higher purpose

Jumps at every chance to prove themselves or try something new

  • Unafraid of making sacrifices for a greater gain

Patiently running an endurance race to their desires instead of sprinting to their next completed task

Proper attitude

Feelings

  • Generally happy and focuses feelings on solutions more than on problems
  • self-aware about feelings and sentiments
  • Has strategies for dealing with stress
  • Approaches failures and hardships effectively

Beliefs

  • Dedicated to a greater purpose more than personal interests
  • Keeps a connection to the world on a large scale

Values

  • Defines behaviors by philosophical standards
  • Holds to virtues over circumstances
  • Understands place in the universe and isn’t trying to force changing it
  • Driven by internal factors more than external

Behavior

  • Actions are driven by values and enforced by morality
  • Balances personal life with career and maintains a general focus on moderation
  • Imitates the attributes of other successful people

Optimistic

Stays constantly positive about the future, others’ behaviors, and the unknown

Their most common emotion is overflowing happiness

  • Understands that 90% of a person’s problems never actually happen
  • Self-belief is completely unaffected by failures

They see every negative circumstance as an obstacle they are capable of being overcome with the right type of effort

  • Hopes for the best, plans for the worst
  • Thinks about the present and the very near future more than the past or far future
  • Looks at the far future only to find opportunities or avoid tangible risks
  • Sees both past and present hurdles and challenges as opportunities to learn and grow

Successful people aim for practical optimism in the spectrum of optimism

  1. Blind optimism
    • A view that things will always work out, no matter what
    • The type of optimism pessimists usually envision
    • At its most extreme, it offends anyone aware of potential problems
    • e.g. “Let’s just keep going and stop thinking about it!”
  2. Practical optimism
    • Fueled by gratitude for everything including employment, family, friends, health, food, time, and experiences
    • The most common optimism that successful people employ
    • A practical optimist can get along with anyone
    • e.g. “We’ve had a minor setback, but at least we didn’t lose the whole thing!”
  3. Negative optimism
    • Driven by happiness that things could be much worse, usually with dark thoughts mixed into it
    • Some personalities with rough-hewn backgrounds must use negative optimism
    • Negative optimism is a rare find and is often unsettling for many people
    • e.g. “Well, at least we’re not dead!”
  4. “Realistic” negativity
    • Guided by the desire for practicality and accuracy over success
    • Most people carry this outlook
    • “Realistic negativity” isn’t overwhelmingly depressing to be around, but it slowly saps energy away from goals
    • e.g. “Well, I guess that’s just how it is. At least I tried.”
  5. Pure negativity
    • Driven by past problems and a resistance to change
    • Only other negative people can coexist with this attitude
    • Pure negativity is an indication of subconscious psychological problems
    • e.g. “I told you it won’t work, and it won’t work if you try again. Just give up and save us the effort.”

Successful people treat others a special way

Honors rules but understands their deeper implications

Playing by the rules is a means to their end and not the end itself

Rules have purposes, and they honor the purposes of the rules more than the rules

Liberally gives to support others

Loves and cares for others through an overflow of desire and not as a compulsion or need

Focuses more on others’ lives than on themselves

Jumps at opportunities to forgive and reconcile

Works at long-term relationships with others

Creates distance from negative and foolish people

Seeks out and befriends positive and inspiring people

Holds fast to worthwhile relationships and connections

Opens up to others about failures and never has a problem asking for help

Honest

Accessible about intentions, thoughts, feelings, concerns and failures (when it’s called for)

  • This honesty is both directed toward oneself and others
  • This comes even when it’s at the risk of losing money, hurting others or failing

Authority figures often either respect or despise candidly honest people when it doesn’t serve their interests

Integrity and reliability

Does what they say they will do

Desires to achieve excellent results and works hard to that end

Never compromises values

Immediately takes full responsibility for mistakes or failure when merited

Unapologetic for personal shortcomings but intentionally seeks out reconciliation with others

Ability to appropriately say “no”

Networking-ready

Aware that who you know is more important than what you know

Always developing working relationships with others

Shares others’ achievements more quickly than their own

Focuses on the depth of their connections more than their breadth

Organized

Always maintains some sort of order in everything they touch

Knows that leadership, including personal management, has no “day off”

Self-aware

Observes themselves and how the world interacts with them

They see that if they are not part of a problem they have, there is no solution

Lives regret-free by either reconciling with the past or dismissing it

Knows that the best and most enjoyable things in life are free

  • Time with others
  • Happiness and joy
  • Learning and knowledge

Tactful

Doesn’t speak out of turn or behave rudely

Charismatic, warm, open, and engaging

Respectful of others’ time, energy, and resources

Doesn’t expect or demand anything unreasonable from anyone

Tries to resolve conflicts as peacefully as possible

A successful person regularly adopts new daily habits

Productivity-minded

  • Makes time for what they consider important

Embraces creativity

  • Collects notes, ideas, pictures, and other immaterial elements with a greater purpose in mind
  • Keeps a physical location that inspires relaxation
  • Journals thoughts, experiences, and ideas
  • Works in “seasons” with periods of fierce industriousness followed by periods of peace, learning or meditation

Works to improve their happiness

  • Engages in positive self-talk, finding motivations, and shutting down defeatist thinking
  • Spends time to relax and remove stress from their life
  • Wastes as little time as possible in indecision by either automating or removing unimportant decisions
  • Works on staying healthy and maintaining vitality
Next: Success 102: How To Start Your Own Success