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  • CORRECTION: Due to incorrect information received from the Clerk of Courts Office, Diane K. Merchant, 38, was incorrectly listed as being fined for prostitution in Wednesday’s paper. The charge should have been failure to stop at a railroad crossing. The Public Opinion apologizes for the error.
  • COWS, CALVES, NEVER BRED…Also 1 gay bull for sale.
  • FOR SALE: One pair hardly used dentures, only 2 teeth missing, $100 OBO
  • FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
  • FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat…been out awhile…better be reward.
  • FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
  • FREE PUPPIES. 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog
  • FREE PUPPIES. Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog
  • FULL SIZE Mattress. Toyal Tonic, 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. $40.
  • GERMAN SHEPHERD. 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free
  • HUMAN SKULL, USED ONCE only. Not plastic. $200 OBO
  • JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300
  • NICE PARACHUTE Never opened – used once
  • NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby
  • SOCCER BALL * * signed by either Pele, the former Brazilian soccer player widely renowned by most experts and fans to be the finest player that has ever existed, or by some guy named “Peter”. $75
  • SURGEON WANTED for a new health clinic opening in the area. No experience needed. Must have own tools.
  • TOMBSTONE: Standard gray. A good buy for someone named Grady
  • WANTED: EVIL GENIUS seeks minions to sacrifice their lives in world domination attempt. Must be prepared to work 24-7 for fascist psychopath for no pay. Messy death inevitable but costumes and laser death rays provided. No weirdos. Call: 1-900-MWAH-HAHA